When you say death, I think of your death; “When Azrael comes to take your life, call me and I will die in your place.”
AM I AS YOU WANT? LIKE ME?
The young boy met a girl in a friendship environment, albeit somewhat by chance.
He had a sharp character behind his very childish appearance and pranksters were not his thing.
That’s probably why he wanted to meet nine times, but he was only successful in the tenth one.
After a few dates, the boy fell in love with the girl. The girl’s beauty, seriousness, short, concise, determined and mature sentences on important issues made him feel more interested and confident.
When one meeting ended, the boy took care of the other.
Actually, the girl wasn’t empty either, but she wasn’t full enough either.
Even though love is blind; There were huge differences between them that even the blind eye could see;
The boy is determined and fatalistic; The girl was easy-going and a perfectionist.
This difference was like a knife between them, always preventing them from getting closer to each other in heart.
And that day:
In one of these meeting moments;
They thought of a place that could be considered a little high, with a view full of trees, flowers and their scents.
The young girl and the boy sat opposite each other.
During the conversation, the boy looks at the beauty in front of him with emotion and says:
“I love you!” said.
The girl, who preferred to watch the surroundings instead of opposite her, looked at the boy, tapped the index fingers of her right hand with both hands holding tea on the glass once or twice and said:
“I can’t love you!” she said.
The boy smiled slightly;
It doesn’t matter, expecting a response in love is love-mongering; I love you unconditionally; Even if you don’t even love yourself, let alone me, I still love you for you!
She raised her head slightly; The girl seemed to smile slightly!
The boy took courage and became a little bit cheeky.
“One day he wants to kiss you, but if you don’t want to; “Like this, I’ll kiss you instead of you”
The girl got courage when she felt the boy’s emotional and ready to compromise!
“Look,” she said, “I want a man with whom I can live happily until I die.”
The boy continued without slowing down;
“Don’t say death,” said the boy, and continued;
“When you say death, I think of you dying; “When Azrael comes to take your life, call me and I will die in your place.”
He will love her instead; will kiss; There was someone to die.
The consistency was enough for the girl to find the strength to talk in a sassy and brazen way about what she really wanted to talk about that was bothering her;
She moved her head closer to the boy, dictating what he said along with her body.
-I want my husband to be a normal man like other women’s husbands.
The boy actually understood what the girl meant in one sentence, but he still wanted to continue the conversation.
-When he looks at the husbands of other women, they are all characters; With this logic, aren’t they all abnormal?
-You got it, let him work, come home, take care of his family, and travel with them.
Let it be family-centered and only family-centered!
The girl was right, she really understood, she was saying, “Stay away from what you’ve done and will do, don’t worry about me and those who are self-centered, don’t be an idealist, be a capitalist.”
Actually, the girl’s request was normal; It seemed abnormal to him because he was not normal. Well, the others were unusual because they were standard; According to him, they had moved away from what they should be and had fallen outside the standard.
Well, if he is like them; What would happen if they were just like him, as they should be?
This was open to philosophical debate; aside from the discussion
He also took care of his family, even more efficiently than the men he exemplified, but; He couldn’t deceive himself with simple pleasures all the time, like a donkey who worked until the evening and found dry thorns as a gift after his saddle was untied so that he could get rid of the burden and rest!
If so, he is not himself like himself; The one who looks like himself, which is not actually himself, as others want him to be, would be himself as he wants others to appear.
For the first time, but not knowing that it was the last time, the girl slowly approached the boy’s eyes, looking into his eyes in the most affectionate way, and held his right hand with both hands, playing her last trump card, which smelled of exploitation.
A warmth spread from the hand holding her hand, starting from the boy’s hand, towards her heart.
-I want to love you, I want you to be my wife; I don’t want you to do things that don’t pay off and get you into trouble.
As soon as he finished his sentence, he felt freezing cold in his hand and then in his heart; Suddenly, her chemistry changed and she had a different reaction, and then, even though it was involuntary, as if she had been electrocuted, she freed her hands from the hand that she had been dreaming of until that moment.
The coldness that spread from his heart to his body completely changed his heart and the chemistry of his brain.
“If my efforts are a homeland, they are also your homeland; If it is a nation, isn’t it your nation too? If it’s a flag, look, you can even sit under it and talk about these things to me; Is it a martyr? You can criticize me, who planted that Flag thanks to those Martyrs, and who could not make one millionth of them in the lands of the Homeland, and you don’t realize it; “The issue is the death that will happen to me as a result of my efforts. Give me the guarantee that it will happen to you in two minutes, and I will guarantee you that I will not die until the end of the world.”
You did not give him the right to speak, he continued breathlessly:
“Is it about children born and those to be born? I am already working as a humble bouncer for the problems they will face in the future after I die; “I already earn enough money from my other jobs to support a family, if I’m doing it for free, did millions of Martyrs and Veterans stand in the way of the bullet because they thought I’d get this much money if I went?”
If it’s what you want, I’m what you want; Did I ever tell you to be the way I want you to be?
I wouldn’t say that!
Because even though you think you have the right to want these things, I don’t see them; I don’t want you like I want!
As for me, if you think about it, you’ll understand that I’m not the one you want, I can’t be, I don’t want to be!
The girl guessed from her personality reading that the boy would be very harsh and strict on some issues, but she did not expect this much, especially from those nice words at the beginning;
He tried the first stage to fit the frequency he wanted, but it didn’t work, he couldn’t succeed.
The boy was smart and had been trained by his relatives to understand the course of such words and that he would not give up in future meetings and would knead it like a dough again and again and try his luck to achieve the desired consistency and shape.
To go back to a lower frequency and get it to the desired consistency;
He was about to say “Okay” but the boy immediately interrupted him:
The boy understood that “Alright” was a comeback for now, for the next iteration.
“Okay, so what’s the point? If you continue after okay, it means it’s not okay!
After taking the spoon of hot tea out of the glass in front of him, gently touching it to his finger without him noticing, pulling his hand away in pain and making him react with a voice;
He wanted to say, “I only touched a spoon to your finger, but you attacked my lifeblood, imagine the pain you caused me.”
Even though he moved slightly with his hand, the teaspoon remained in the glass; Neither the girl nor the glass nor the spoon knew what the boy wanted to do.
He didn’t do it anyway, he couldn’t do it;
He was so angry that; He wanted to say, “I don’t care if they give me a hundred harems with a hundred virgins like you, I won’t give up.” He didn’t say that either, he couldn’t say that!
Only; And it’s okay! Shall we get up? He could say!
“It’s alright” had a deeper meaning than the words spoken by the girl and the man.
The boy called the waiter; After paying for the undrinkable tea, they walked silently towards their departure place;
Even though the girl was looking for some justification in her own way, she was regretful; She wanted to speak, but the boy silenced the girl with his outwardly quiet and loud inner voice, and she could not speak!
When they came to their parting place, he said to the girl whom he found even the most beautiful words inadequate; He could only say “May God bless you”; He shook her hand, which felt warm when he touched her for the first time.
But this time it was very cold, so she didn’t hold her hand for long!
When he walked away, he never looked back until he disappeared from her sight; He didn’t see the tears flowing from the two eyes following him.
Even though the girl made a move, after this meeting, she never looked at each other in those eyes, she couldn’t!
What happened to the girl and the boy?
Let me start with the boy:
He was carried to the hospital from a shallow place at night with five bullets in his body, but could not be saved; The perpetrator has not been found yet.
A few years after the boy’s death, the girl will have lost hope; We don’t know if he was with someone exactly the way he wanted, but he got married!
Don’t worry, happy!
Or he thinks he’s happy!
He says to him, may God make him happy;
And to you;
I wish you health and peace; My respects!
Hasan BARIN
Journalist, Historian, Research Writer
Twitter @ba61340379
